Authentic Self

If we have met in person, you would have noticed my book collection. These are the answers to the FAQs about these books—I have not read all of them, it’s impossible to pick a favorite, and I have only re-read a handful although I refer to them frequently. No matter the question, I typically find a way to bring this back to therapy by asking, “What question are all of these books trying to answer?” After a pause—“Who am I?”

       Early in my work with people I ask them about their Authentic Self. Most stumble humbly, stating, “I don’t like talking about myself” or “I’ve never thought about it.” Occasionally, people name some qualities of themselves but need more time to think about it. Some clients need a definition, or they want to read more about it. Honestly, I haven’t found much for people to read.

       “How does your Authentic Self feel in your body?” This question is often met with silence or nervous giggles. “Do you feel like your Authentic Self most of the day?” Most do not. This is a critical aspect of therapy—getting to know yourself is a foundation to healing.

       We all have conditioned selves and, as we mature, we become our Authentic Selves. So, part of the Authentic Self is de-conditioning from what we’ve been taught by parents, schools, communities, culture, etc. Choosing what feels right to us and not blindly accepting what others believe. This is an important process, where discernment is key, but we can’t define Authentic Self by who we are not. Once again, who am I?

       After talking about Authentic Self, a client had a realization, “Oh, it’s when I feel most like me.” When you identify the person inside as recognizable, safe, and yours, free from judgment, criticism, and stifling energy, that is likely your Authentic Self (AS.) When people notice their AS, even for a moment, I advise them to “name it to claim it.” Put words to this experience. This begins the identification process. Notice how your AS shows up in your body. For some people, the AS feels strongest in their belly or heart. With a name and a place in your body, you can return here when you feel disconnected from your AS.

       Your AS rings with the Truth that is you. Truth with a capital “T” because this is larger than the self who goes about your day attached to outcomes. You’ll notice a body-sense, wisdom, and centeredness that includes body, mind, and emotions. People describe feeling comforted and relaxed. Authentic Selves have agency and power to choose their own lives. They have sovereignty. No one has a right to define you but you. Authentic Selves have a purpose “bigger than yourself.” Your AS is your essence. You feel this in your guts and bones and core of your being.

       People often don’t like talking about their Authentic Self because they feel selfish. The word selfish is interesting when you break it down—self-ish. As in, I sort of feel like myself. Because when you only think about yourself, most people don’t feel like themselves. We are social beings. Social interactions don’t define who we are, but they help to make up who we are in families and communities. The Authentic Self is not isolated. The AS is full of love and compassion for yourself and others. In this way, the AS is grounded within oneself, experiences wholeness, and is protected by intelligent boundaries. And boundaries are necessary to attain and maintain sovereignty.

       The Authentic Self is a journey and not a destination, moving and changing with the flow and fullness of Life. Get to know who you really are. Not only in your mind. Feel this person inside you. This is the foundation of wholeness which is the foundation of healing. When people start feeling like their Authentic Selves, they often use metaphors and images of butterflies bursting out of their cocoons. It’s liberating, fulfilling, and exciting to be you!