NEW YEAR, NEW YOU?

Perhaps the only tradition as old as New Years resolutions is the conversation afterwards about breaking them. I’ve been there too, so I’ve changed how I look at them. How?

       First, acknowledge that New Years is a time of transition. There’s a lot of energy, excitement, and cultural reinforcement to make a change. That's a great start! Psychologists call this the Fresh Start Effect and is the feeling at the beginning of a new chapter (birthday, new job, etc.) that can motivate change. The difficulty arises when this culturally-reinforced phenomena feels like pressure that can result in comparative-thinking, so we make our resolutions broad and idealistic that are not realistic or sustainable.

       Dr. Katy Milkman, professor at the University of Pennsylvania and expert on behavior change, calls New Years a good time for one-and-done goals. Take the increased energy and motivation you feel to do one thing to really make a difference in your life. This could be scheduling a much-needed health screening or physical, joining a gym, or updating your resume. That’s it. That’s your resolution. To create and maintain long-term goals throughout the year you need scaffolding.

       Let’s say you go to the doctor, now you might have the impetus to start eating healthier and/or exercising. Or you joined a gym, so you have incentive to go, because you’ve already paid. Invite a friend and you’re even more likely to continue. This is called a commitment device that can provide momentum.

Another strategy is to do what Dr. Milkman calls temptation bundling where you pair a chore with a temptation. Exercise while watching a favorite show. Clean your house while listening to an audiobook.

So far, all of these are actions. Behaviors to change. Change often doesn’t stick because we focus on actions and not the internal struggle that is inherent in the change process.

       One mindset approach is cultivating what Carol Dweck calls the growth mindset where you see your abilities not as fixed, but fixable through effort and dedication. Yet, cultivating dedication is not easy. Another way to think about sustainability and dedication is by exploring what psychiatrist Robert Assagioli calls the four aspects of will.

There is strong will, which is what we commonly call willpower and determination. This is the aspect of will we tend to focus on while ignoring the rest. By Assagioli's definition this is limiting. It is like deciding to climb a mountain but forgetting your boots and then criticizing yourself for not reaching your goal. Utilizing all aspects of the will can provide the mental framework to keep pushing forward.

Another aspect of will is skillful will, which is scaffolding and planning. Then there is good will, which is directing actions towards the common good or yourself. Spiritual or transcendent will connects your purpose to higher powers. And I add one more to Assagioli’s system—free will. The ability to decide. Making a change is your choice.

Let’s say you have an idea for a New Years resolution. You feel determined (strong will), come up with a plan (skillful), internalize how good it will feel to you and/or others (good will), understand and feel a sense of purpose and possibly connecting to spirituality (spiritual will), and make the daily choice no matter your mood or other circumstances (free will). This system is now realistic, sustainable, and holistic where you can draw from a strength in the system if another part feels lacking.

Building new habits can feel like climbing a mountain. Scaffolding is having a direction and tools to use. Will is the mindset you take with you on your journey. And, perhaps most importantly, have fun!